I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
