she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is the high leading the old right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
