I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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