honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
