You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
