Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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