Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
