I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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