I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
