I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
