Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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