I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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