dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
