Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
