just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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