Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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