if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
