I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
