I'm so fucking centered right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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