Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I could punch you in the face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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