My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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