The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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