i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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