That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
