There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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