i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
