why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
