Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well I can't set my house on fire every night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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