My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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