I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
