I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
