Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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