What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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