have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
