Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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