I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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