Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
