if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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