Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
