I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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