I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
