I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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