So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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