And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
