if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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