I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
