I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
