how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He has the fingertips of a God
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