sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
