Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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